My relationship with God is interesting. Much like the relationship I have with anyone else, I find myself learning more and more about him as time goes on. Sometimes I question his intent, his love, his divinity and his purpose for humanity. It is not uncommon for me to say "God, I don't get this? I don't get you! How can this be? Why?" and each time I question him I feel his patience and understanding and honestly I feel his appreciation for my list of questions.
Sometimes, I hate to say it but I "forget" him. He can turn into the father that you used to call a few times a week to touch base with. Maybe not multiple times a week but at least every Sunday, just to check in a say "hey!" Well church and this family have become distant relatives, the ones you only see on special occasions. My nightly prayers have turned into weekly, if that. Just like when I don't call my parents for a while, I feel like God is saying, "so...you couldn't spare two minutes to speak with me this week?" And I'll say something to the effect of, "you know I still love you right?" Actions speak louder than words.
Though I have "forgotten" him, he always shows me that I am not forgotten. Recently I went thrifting for some vinyl records (how hipster of me!). To my delight I found two Elvis Presley albums, one was his Christmas album and the other was a compilation of a few of his love songs. At $4 a piece who could say no! I ran home with them and decided to play his love songs first. To my surprise I heard a country version of "There is Power in the Blood." Someone at the store must have switched out the record with a christian hymnal album. Elvis was priced higher than the other $1.99 albums so whichever cheapskate did this, wanted to save a whole $2. That, or whoever donated it, mixed them up.
"What the...?!" I uttered as the hymnal played throughout the living room. I knew I had a look of disgust on my face, which I feel dreadful for now.
I didn't want it! I wanted to listen to Elvis. In my silence I spoke to him, saying I know I know, it's bad but Lord, I've been looking for Elvis albums everywhere! You know how much I wanted one like this. I'm just disappointed thats all.
Then I plopped down on the sofa, letting my grumpiness fade away as I listened to the song reluctantly. Soon reluctance turned into desire and my grump turned into a faint smile. I'll listen to this every sunday morning I though to myself. Just as I grew up with the sound of country gosple singers in the background of my childhood, I wanted that for my boys too. God remembered me. He knew what I needed. He knew how to reach me. I'm sure some people will say it's a silly coincidence but I tend to not believe in those.
As a christian, there are things I want to remember. I must take something more from all of this other than playing gospel on Sunday. I believe that life is a big lesson and in this lesson God was such a role model.
He wasn't forceful
He wasn't using fear
He didn't tell me I was going to "hell"
He didn't make me feel bad
He didn't punish me
He didn't mock me
He didn't have his follower gather in circles and talk bad about me
He wasn't rude
He wasn't mean
He was love.
He simply reminded me that he was there. He showed me that I mattered.
He is love and nothing less than that.