I'M HEADING BACK TO SCHOOL

I thought I was done with college. There was nothing, not anything, that anyone could say our do to send me back. Not even a team of wild horses could drag me there.

I had Joshua rather young in life and before I had him I didn't really take things seriously, thinking that I had all the time in the world. After I had him I said to myself,  hey girl, you need a career and you need one now! So it was off to school for me and this time I would pick something career specific.

I took the Law Clerk program mostly because  I could complete it in two years and then work as a legal secretary...those people made good money with experience.  I completed that in less than two years since I went straight through the summer. After graduation I decided, why not just become a Paralegal? That way I could take my own cases and make even more money, not to mention it would only take me an extra year since I had so many transfer credits from the Law Clerk program.  Halfway through I got pregnant with Lucas. Me and my ever expanding belly trotted on to campus every day because I was determined to finished this program as soon as possible. Eventually I decided to take time off so that I could stay home and rest and have my baby. A few months after Lucas was born I found a job in the Legal field working for a Landlord corporation which forced me to put my little 3 month old in daycare. It was a heart breaking moment and I felt awful. Joshua didn't have to go to daycare until he was 19 months old and I wanted the same for Lucas, but unfortunately life was not cheap, bills had to be paid.

I hated my job. I hated every minute of every day. My sole purpose was to evict people that were diliquent on their rent. You can imagine the phone calls that I received constantly throughout the day: 

"Please!" the woman begged. "I'm a single mother and I have 5 kids. My husband left me and he's not coming back. I can't even afford to buy my kids juice!"

That was over $120 and there was nothing that I could do about it, the Landlords were pressuring me to get them out. Needless to say I quit my job 4 months in. I realize that people can't live for free but it wasn't something that made me feel good as a person. I'm a big softy! So I was unemployed for a while but that was alright as Aaron was making more money at that point. I got to stay home with Lucas and Joshua for while. I was a stay at home mom for about a year and half and it had its highs and lows but I was happy to be there for my boys, especially Lucas since he was the baby.

At night I went back to school in order to complete the last few classes that I had left of the Paralegal program. After I finally graduated the only job that I could find was working part time doing retail working around Aarons schedule. Finally I landed a full time job working at the same company that Aaron does (different department and different floor). Aaron and I reached a whole new level of financial stability that I was so greatful for. I love this company and I love my job but of course I want to move up to high positions.  Well being that I work for a company that provides support for various University across the North America, they have this amazing benefit..they will pay for my education at any one of the various schools that they support. So the first chance I got, I put my name on the waiting list and six months later I was selected to enter a program that would allow me to complete my Bachelor's degree! Folks, Mama's going back to school in two weeks! I feel a mix of excited, scared, anxious and curios all wrapped up in one. I know this will be an amazing experience and great investment for my furture.

All of this reminds me of this post. I do want so much for my life and for my family and I just may be able to have everything I want but it might just take me more time to get there, but the great thing is, I am super patient!

A WEEK OF SCHOOL LUNCHES

1. Mini pita stuffed with chicken salad | Grapes & blackberries | Cheese
I love the mini pita idea. It is literally a two bit "sandwich" with no mess because it never falls apart! It's easy to eat especially for those with little hands.

2. Whole grain flax seed crackers | Cold cooked and sliced pepperoni | Cheese | Cucumbers and Tomatoes with salt and pepper 


3. Mini croissant sandwich with turkey and cheese (buttered) | Celery & tomatoes |Orange slices
Again, anything small for kids is super easy to eat and pretty fun. When slices the croissant, I didn't go all the way through (like a hotdog bun) so that it would hold everything in. Joshua loves to move around, toss him back pack and so forth so I want to make sure that if his lunch bag gets turned on it's side that his food will not deconstruct itself.

4. Whole grain wrap with turkey, cheese and red peppers | Grapes | dried apricots.
I put his wrap in tin foil only at ends to that he can pick it up and eat it with ease, avoiding parts from falling out of the bottom.

School started on Tuesday so that means I only had to pack 4 Lunches for Joshua. To save myself the hassle in the morning, I pack everything up the night before. Having a container with separate compartment prevents the juicy fruits from getting anything else soggy. I give him plain water to drink but from time to time I might put of a few shots of coconut water in to give it a healthy flavor.

FIRST DAY OF FIRST GRADE

The first day of the 1st grade.

Yea, that happened today.

I got to live out my lunch packing dream by preparing Joshua something the night before so that all I had to do this morning was to open the refrigerator, pull out his packed lunch bag and put it into his backpack. Done! I will go into more detail on Friday about what I backed him for the week.

He was eager to go to bed last night! Starting at around noon on Monday he kept asking "is it bedtime yet?" At which point we had to explain how many hours where left until bedtime, then we had to explain the concept of "hours" and the concept of "time" and why we needed time. *sigh*

This morning he was so excited to start his day. I felt a range of emotions. Happy, sad, excited, scared, anxious, nervous, proud, then sad again. At work people kept asking me what the matter was, I told them I was tired, which was true considering I didn't go to sleep until 2am this morning. Really I kept wondering about Joshua's day, looking at the clock and saying to myself he's already had lunch, I wonder how that went!?...He's had recess, I wonder how that went!!?

Everything went well according to Joshua! He ate all his lunch, his teacher told him that he was a good student, he made a friend and he had girl chasing him because they wanted to play with him but he wasn't up for that...you know, cooties and all. 

SEPTEMBER

Farm trip from 2012

September welcomed me with a cool breeze in the morning. I am looking forward to the crisp mornings and cool night with the sent of wood burning fireplaces in the distance. The leaves changing to yellow, bright orange and apple red. Currently I have filled my home with the season, Nutmeg & Spice candles, orange and white porcelain pumpkins, chocolatey brown throw blankets. I nearly died when I found out that the Pumpkin Spiced Latte would officially release on September 3rd, this undoubtedly marks the true beginning of autumn.

I am looking forward to so much this month. Besides the start of 1st grade and all that comes with it, I am anxious for trips to the farm filled with hayrides and pumpkin patches. Farm fresh produce, pies and jams. I can't wait until its socially safe to start decorating for halloween, I figure it will be when it officially becomes fall on the 22nd. I'm looking forward to cable knit sweaters, brown leather boots, light jackets and warm apple cider.

What are you looking forward to? 

HAVING EVERYTHING YOU WANT

source

...You can't have it all.

I cannot tell you the number of times where this phrase was uttered in my presence whether it was via television personalities discussing the role of a working mother or by people who I personally knew carrying this topic in small groups. Admittedly no one as ever said this directly to me but really, you don't have to. Comments like this are made to anyone within earshot as it's one of those dreaded blanket statements.

What does it mean? Well, it seems to mean that a woman should not expect to have a husband, children and a demanding career all at the same time while coming home relatively sane at the end of the day and still having time to enjoy the family that she helped to create. Unfortunately this burden is only placed on women. Why? I guess it's still not important for a man to spend a substantial amount of time with their children. Men are expected to be the main bread winners and therefore are expected to be away from home for as long as he needs in order to climb that ladder so he can better provide for his family. I find that to be a load of crap! My husbands time with our boys is extremely valuable, no less valuable than the time they spend with me. The fact that this is only placed on women is unfair! Guess what? Women, now more than ever, are expessing a strong desire to work outside of the home and provide for their families too. Sometime it isn't about desire but rather they MUST work due to finances. There are many reasons.

As for me, I feel like I have all that I want for now. I have a full time job with a company that I love, I see my kids every day and spend a lot of quality time with them. I have a loving marriage that isn't stressed due to a lack of time spent together so what's with that phrase anyways?

I believe women can have it all to some degree but it is a balancing act. Do you want that corner office with the amazing view more than you want those extra hours with your kids at night? Do you want to have dinner with your children more than you want that office? Will you settle for a nice offer, but not the corner one and still make it home in time for dinner? Maybe you definately want the corner office and still make it home in time for dinner then maybe you wait until the kids are in college? Maybe you'll make up those extra hours at work in the morning? Maybe that corner office is not as demanding as you thought. Maybe you get an amazing assistant who can lighten your work load...phew!

There are so many possibilities and options. No two jobs are alike and no two families are alike. Having it all doesnt have to mean having it all RIGHT NOW.

What are your thoughts?

HEYDENSHORE

We spent our Sunday afternoon down at Heydenshore. The day was a beautiful mix of warm and breezy and the water cashing onto the rocks was irresistible to say the least. I sat and watched the boys toss rocks into the lake. Aaron wowed them with his stone skipping abilities. This is the last Sunday that Aaron will have off before school starts so we made the most of it, doing simple things that add up to great memories.

THROWBACK THURSDAY: NINETEEN

the following was a post that I did on another blog that I used to have a long time ago. I have not read it over to edit it or anything because when I wrote it, I let it pour out of my heart. I literally wrote it and pressed "Publish" without going back.
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Nineteen to now seems like yesterday. It's hard to believe that so many years have gone by, but nevertheless it has. Back then there were so many things that I thought I knew, but didn't; I severely under estimated the hardships of life thinking how easy it would all be once I moved out of my "controlling" parents home and started living on my own. I would making my own decisions and learning from my own mistakes. Things weren't always so simple.

When I turned 19 (seriously, the day after my birthday) I met a man, a 31 year old man who seemed to know so much, much more than my nineteen year old self knew and to me that was amazing. I put my heart and soul into him, and when he told me he "loved" me for the first time, I thought I had won this amazing prize. I fell hard, too hard, harder than anyone should every fall. I started thinking that my life would be nothing without him and that he completed me, he was my everything.

For most of the year I was living in Canada going to college, while he had his life in New Jersey. I would travel as much as I could and see him on all my visits back home, back when Jersey was home. In my mind I had it all. I would finish college and we would get married, buy a house and pop out two kids and live oh so happily ever after. Life, or God had other plans for me though, he knew what I didn't know.

I would soon come to find out that I was "mistress". My 31 year old boyfriend already had a girlfriend before he started dating me. I missed so many sign, the way he never answered the phone when I called from college, the way I could tell he was going to a different room before it was "safe" to talk, the way he never came to visit me, the way he never called me, the way we would only see each other on certain days when I was in town, the way I never really met any of his family, the way his best friend seemed so awkward around me and the biggest sign of all, the way my heart knew something was off.

How did I find out he was cheat? To make a long story short, lets just say I had a strong gut feeling one day and I pressed "play" on his answering machine, then I pressed "redial" on his phone and had a very interesting conversation with a certain person, which then led to a big confrontation with him and an accidental meet up with his girlfriend. We both learned the truth. Let me just say that now at 26, I am not for looking through someone personal property. Truth was I should have broken up with way before I found out his was cheating.

There are so many things that I learned from my year with him. I look back now and I don't understand how I could have been so naive and trusted him so much when he never gave me a reason to trust him. I learned that NO man should be your everything nor should he complete you because before you get into a relationship you should already be a complete person. My husband is amazing but he doesn't complete me, he adds his own complete self to me. I thought I couldn't live without him, well he's gone now and I'm still living, better now than before.

Rachael Yamagata's Happenstance was the soundtrack to my life that year, especially this song.